Some people have used Jesus' words in Matthew 6;16-17 to reject the practice of applying ashes on Ash Wednesday. But such simple signs of penitence were not what Jesus was addressing. In Matthew 6:16-17, Jesus is addressing the OSTENTATIOUS display of religion.

In his time, there were religious fanatics who fasted to the point of emaciation or wanted to appear as if they did. They not only didn't eat, but they also wore ashes on their head, sackcloth on their bodies, and didn't groom. They "put on" a sad and gloomy face, they "disfigured" or "contorted" themselves. He's not preaching against signs of modest penitence, he's preaching against extreme and inhumane practices that are clearly designed to make you look "more faithful" than others.

Humility seems to be the guide here for the disposition of ashes, not getting rid of meaningful moments and reminders. So it's our job to make rituals like the application of ashes personally meaningful, not ostentatious. A moment and reminder of what Jesus did for us, not what we "did for him."

• So for example, you might make sure to only use a small amount of ash and create a small mark. No big forehead crosses, for example.
• Or you could put the ashes on the back of your hand or wrist so that only YOU see it and remember it -- if you are concerned with forehead ashes being too "look at me!"

Fasting, or "going without" is a great way to remember our faith and commitment to God. But sometimes people use such rituals with the hope that they are "showing God" how faithful they are. And THAT is what misses the point.

Read the full chapter of Isaiah 58, from which the above verse was taken. It includes doing things to provide shelter to the "wanderers" (immigrants, for example) and clothing to those in need.

• Going without food and donating what you don't eat to a food bank is a better idea.
• Going without a form of entertainment or purchase so that you can have money to give to a social Justice organization would meet Isaiah's call to "break every yoke."
• Providing assistance to a local shelter mission (some ask for things like new bedding, towels, etc)

25+ Ideas for Fasting, "Doing Without" with Children and Adults

Your custom version of the following list could simply be provided to church members, or it could be turned into a Sunday School project in which kids make a "Lent Jar" and put a selection from the list, plus their own ideas, into the jar in the form of "slips" to be drawn at home.

Some items to be drawn could be added, like "everybody do," or "do on weekends," etc to provide some creative fun and relief. You could create some "free" days and some days when everybody is giving up the same thing or individually different things. Slips to be drawn could include Bible verses with them to contemplate on that day while "giving up" what's on the slip. One important instruction to apply to any version of this "giving up" list is to debrief how people did "giving up" -- what did they learn.

40 Days is a very long time for kids. You'll have better luck suggesting different things for shorter periods of time during Lent.  You can also combine some of these things, like "compliment" each friend or family member when you first see them, with "hold doors for others."  You could do two on "Two for Tuesday" for example.

Keep in mind that "what you give up" isn't the focus, it's what it reminds you of -- the season, Jesus. Also keep in mind that certain items will be harder for some to give up. Adjust for fairness.

1. Give up all drinks but water during the day or certain days. Display a bottle of a favorite beverage as a reminder.
2. Give up chocolate or favorite sweets/cookies that you always have around. Place a few on the table as a reminder.
3. Become a vegetarian for all or part of Lent. Try "meatless Monday," or "Fish Friday."
4. Give up BREAD for a week or more to remember that we don't live by bread alone.
5. Fast from social media. Give up Facebook or Snapchat for a week or the entire 40 days.
6. Give up Cellphones, Tablets, and Gaming Devices for a week or during the evenings when family is gathered. (Display them in a basket on a table. Stack some books and family games next them as alternatives.)
7. Give up a favorite TV show.
8. Give up complaining or saying bad words and their euphemisms (darn), and create a jar with a pile of coins that you have to put them in when someone breaks the fast.
9. Give up listening to music that has words.
10. Give up playing or killing time in favor of a walk around the block.
11. Pick someone you don't like and whom you will likely encounter today and come up with a strategy to do or say something nice to or for them.
12. Identify something you tend to do at school, home, or work that is disrespectful, disruptive, or lazy and commit to resisting the temptation to do it.
13. Give up all sweets except those you make and share.
14. Give up procrastinating about getting some project or work done and start doing it today.
15. Hold the door for others even if you have to wait for them at every door you go through today.
16. Give up using packaged, ready-made foods for a week. Get out some recipes and cook together.
17. Avoid checking your phone during the day or when around other people.
18. Give up some play or free time to go help someone in your family with a project or chore.
19. Don’t eat out, or order the "small" or from the value menu if you need to eat out.
20. Give up electricity for one hour per day, using candles and gathering around the fireplace.
21. Let others go ahead of you today in line, to get something, to go through the door.
22. Fast from clothing that calls attention to yourself (no logos, no flash, no messages, less color)
23. Stop using elevators and park in the farthest parking spot from the store
24. Stop texting and call the person instead.
25. Give up pounds by doing a "weigh-in" at the beginning of Lent and again on Easter."  2 pounds for kids, 5 for adults.
26. Smile, nod, and/or say hello to at least half of the people you walk by today.
27. Pick something you can volunteer to help do at church and make the call. Do it with another family member.
28. Give up 10 minutes of your day to go pray to God in your room on your own. Set an "oddly specific time" like "6:52 p.m." so that everyone can do this at the same time, but on their own.
29. Put a sign on the TV that says, "No TV Today, read this Bible verse instead (write the verse below on the sign).
30. Compliment each family member at least twice a day.
31. Add your great ideas!

Younger children need to give up things they can reasonably do without so that they can experience the reward of doing without.

All those who "give up" also need regular reminders of "who" they are giving up something for.

That could easily be accomplished by promising to watch a Bible movie every week and talking about it. Your church may also have given out devotional materials.

If you haven't yet watched THE CHOSEN, it would be an excellent series to begin watching as a family if you have older children and teens. It's playing for free on Amazon Prime and on Chosen TV.

Ideas for Connecting "Giving up" with "Giving to Others"

• You can give up meat for dinner, and give the savings to your local food bacnk.
  
  
• You can give up candy, and work on making life sweeter for someone else.
  
  
• You can give up video games to make time for playing with your family.
  
  
• You can give up your favorite TV shows and Social Media and instead watch a Bible movie such as "Son of God" (2014), or "Prince of Egypt."
  
  
• You can give up play time to help someone with their homework, project, or chores.
  
  
• You can "take a break" from eating alone and instead, eat with someone you normally don't.
  
  
• You can give up your Sunday afternoon of football or playing with friends to go visit a grandparent or participate in a service project.
  
  
• You could "give up" doing or spending time with certain people or activities that "lead you into temptation" by leading you into gossip, bad habits, or lead you away from attending worship.
  
  
• You can go through your house determining "what to give up" so you can give it away.

What will you give up today?
What will you give away today?
Who will you give to today?
What will you give time for today?
What spiritual practice will take you out of your comfort zone?

You could theme the different weeks of Lent along the lines of:

1. Give Up Week
2. Give Away Week
3. Give To Someone Week
4. Give to Yourself Week

Kids could create a "Lent Calendar" and put suggestions in it --to be opened each week (yes, sort of like an Advent Calendar).  Or these "weeks" could be the subject of the children's sermon each week. Or these weeks could go home on a handout that gets cut into slips of paper that family members or individuals pull from a jar each morning to see what they are "giving up, away, to" each morning or week.

"Your Ultimate Guide To Celebrating Lent…No Matter What Christian Tradition You’re From"

Christie Thomas' blog posting at her Little Shoots, Deep Roots site has some helpful insights into why we and our children should observe Lent as well as some suggestions for activities that go beyond fasting (giving something up).

She notes that Lent has been observed by Christians since at least the 300s. Protestants dropped the practices during the Reformation as being too works-righteousness focused. But there is value in Lenten practices as long as we don't become too legalistic and we remember that the practices don’t earn us salvation.

Lent is not just about fasting. There are three traditional Lenten activities:

• prayer
• fasting
• almsgiving

"Together, these three pillars of Lent help us draw closer to God, which is the true purpose of the Lenten season."

She goes on to describe those three practices in detail and also suggest ways to incorporate those practices into your daily life. She also provides additional suggestions in the article 40 Lent Activities for Families (that are simple and FUN!).

Make a Tabletop Lenten Reminder for Home

• Cut and tape together pieces of foamcore board or colorful cardboard to form a triangle.
• Poke two holes at the top of the triangle to receive the two binder rings.
• Complete and attach six index cards to the binder rings, one for each week of Lent. You might add a seventh "Easter" card with a special message.
• You may pre-print the cards on cardstock using your printer or copier, or have students write the prompts on the cards and fill them out. Add symbols on each of the weekly cards (shown: Ash Wednesday cross). Additions: Print a Bible verse on the back of each card so that it becomes visible on the opposite side of the calendar when a card is flipped.
  
  

Supplies: 

1. Index Cards
2. Hole Punch
3. Binder rings (two per person)
4. "Foamcore" board or decorative cardboard (found in craft stores)
   Stiff foamcore board cuts and stands up nicely with a minimum of tape. To save time, cut in advance. Make two pieces for the sides approx 6" x 6" and a third piece 6"x 4" to be the base.
5. Use cloth tape to the "hinge" together the pieces of foamboard. "Gaffers" tape is sturdy, sticky,  flexible, and very long lasting.
6. A pointed object like a fat nail to punch the holes in the top of the foamcore or cardboard to receive the binder rings. It's easy and fun for kids to to punch the hole if you give them a soft base, like a folded up chunk of cardboard to punch into.
7. Pens and Markers

Tips:

• This is a good Intergenerational Event
• For non-readers, preprint the cards and have a reader/helper help the kids fill out their cards and decorate them with Lenten symbols.