Some people have used Jesus' words in Matthew 6;16-17 to reject the practice of applying ashes on Ash Wednesday. But such simple signs of penitence were not what Jesus was addressing. In Matthew 6:16-17, Jesus is addressing the OSTENTATIOUS display of religion.

In his time, there were religious fanatics who fasted to the point of emaciation or wanted to appear as if they did. They not only didn't eat, but they also wore ashes on their head, sackcloth on their bodies, and didn't groom. They "put on" a sad and gloomy face, they "disfigured" or "contorted" themselves. He's not preaching against signs of modest penitence, he's preaching against extreme and inhumane practices that are clearly designed to make you look "more faithful" than others.

Humility seems to be the guide here for the disposition of ashes, not getting rid of meaningful moments and reminders. So it's our job to make rituals like the application of ashes personally meaningful, not ostentatious. A moment and reminder of what Jesus did for us, not what we "did for him."

• So for example, you might make sure to only use a small amount of ash and create a small mark. No big forehead crosses, for example.
• Or you could put the ashes on the back of your hand or wrist so that only YOU see it and remember it -- if you are concerned with forehead ashes being too "look at me!"

Fasting, or "going without" is a great way to remember our faith and commitment to God. But sometimes people use such rituals with the hope that they are "showing God" how faithful they are. And THAT is what misses the point.

Read the full chapter of Isaiah 58, from which the above verse was taken. It includes doing things to provide shelter to the "wanderers" (immigrants, for example) and clothing to those in need.

• Going without food and donating what you don't eat to a food bank is a better idea.
• Going without a form of entertainment or purchase so that you can have money to give to a social Justice organization would meet Isaiah's call to "break every yoke."
• Providing assistance to a local shelter mission (some ask for things like new bedding, towels, etc)

25+ Ideas for Fasting, "Doing Without" with Children and Adults

Your custom version of the following list could simply be provided to church members, or it could be turned into a Sunday School project in which kids make a "Lent Jar" and put a selection from the list, plus their own ideas, into the jar in the form of "slips" to be drawn at home.

Some items to be drawn could be added, like "everybody do," or "do on weekends," etc to provide some creative fun and relief. You could create some "free" days and some days when everybody is giving up the same thing or individually different things. Slips to be drawn could include Bible verses with them to contemplate on that day while "giving up" what's on the slip. One important instruction to apply to any version of this "giving up" list is to debrief how people did "giving up" -- what did they learn.

40 Days is a very long time for kids. You'll have better luck suggesting different things for shorter periods of time during Lent.  You can also combine some of these things, like "compliment" each friend or family member when you first see them, with "hold doors for others."  You could do two on "Two for Tuesday" for example.

Keep in mind that "what you give up" isn't the focus, it's what it reminds you of -- the season, Jesus. Also keep in mind that certain items will be harder for some to give up. Adjust for fairness.

1. Give up all drinks but water during the day or certain days. Display a bottle of a favorite beverage as a reminder.
2. Give up chocolate or favorite sweets/cookies that you always have around. Place a few on the table as a reminder.
3. Become a vegetarian for all or part of Lent. Try "meatless Monday," or "Fish Friday."
4. Give up BREAD for a week or more to remember that we don't live by bread alone.
5. Fast from social media. Give up Facebook or Snapchat for a week or the entire 40 days.
6. Give up Cellphones, Tablets, and Gaming Devices for a week or during the evenings when family is gathered. (Display them in a basket on a table. Stack some books and family games next them as alternatives.)
7. Give up complaining or saying bad words and their euphemisms (darn), and create a jar with a pile of coins that you have to put them in when someone breaks the fast.
8. Give up listening to music that has words.
9. Give up playing or killing time in favor of a walk around the block.
10. Pick someone you don't like and whom you will likely encounter today and come up with a strategy to do or say something nice to or for them.
11. Identify something you tend to do at school, home, or work that is disrespectful, disruptive, or lazy and commit to resisting the temptation to do it.
12. Give up all sweets except those you make and share.
13. Give up procrastinating about getting some project or work done and start doing it today.
14. Hold the door for others even if you have to wait for them at every door you go through today.
15. Give up using packaged, ready-made foods for a week. Get out some recipes and cook together.
16. Avoid checking your phone during the day or when around other people.
17. Give up some play or free time to go help someone in your family with a project or chore.
18. Don’t eat out, or order the "small" or from the value menu if you need to eat out.
19. Give up electricity for one hour per day, using candles and gathering around the fireplace.
20. Let others go ahead of you today in line, to get something, to go through the door.
21. Fast from clothing that calls attention to yourself (no logos, no flash, no messages, less color)
22. Stop using elevators and park in the farthest parking spot from the store
23. Stop texting and call the person instead.
24. Give up pounds by doing a "weigh-in" at the beginning of Lent and again on Easter."  2 pounds for kids, 5 for adults.
25. Smile, nod, and/or say hello to at least half of the people you walk by today.
26. Pick something you can volunteer to help do at church and make the call. Do it with another family member.
27. Give up 10 minutes of your day to go pray to God in your room on your own. Set an "oddly specific time" like "6:52 p.m." so that everyone can do this at the same time, but on their own.
28. Put a sign on the TV that says, "No TV Today, read this Bible verse instead (write the verse below on the sign).
29. Compliment each family member at least twice a day.
30. Add your great ideas!

Ideas for Connecting "Giving up" with "Giving to Others"

• You can give up meat for dinner, and give the savings to your local food bacnk.
  
  
• You can give up candy, and work on making life sweeter for someone else.
  
  
• You can give up video games to make time for playing with your family.
  
  
• You can give up your favorite TV shows and Social Media and instead watch a Bible movie such as "Son of God" (2014), or "Prince of Egypt."
  
  
• You can give up play time to help someone with their homework, project, or chores.
  
  
• You can "take a break" from eating alone and instead, eat with someone you normally don't.
  
  
• You can give up your Sunday afternoon of football or playing with friends to go visit a grandparent or participate in a service project.
  
  
• You could "give up" doing or spending time with certain people or activities that "lead you into temptation" by leading you into gossip, bad habits, or lead you away from attending worship.
  
  
• You can go through your house determining "what to give up" so you can give it away.

What will you give up today?
What will you give away today?
Who will you give to today?
What will you give time for today?
What spiritual practice will take you out of your comfort zone?

You could theme the different weeks of Lent along the lines of:

1. Give Up Week
2. Give Away Week
3. Give To Someone Week
4. Give to Yourself Week

Kids could create a "Lent Calendar" and put suggestions in it --to be opened each week (yes, sort of like an Advent Calendar).  Or these "weeks" could be the subject of the children's sermon each week. Or these weeks could go home on a handout that gets cut into slips of paper that family members or individuals pull from a jar each morning to see what they are "giving up, away, to" each morning or week.